I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
