She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
