Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
