She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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