Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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