I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
