i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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