my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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