I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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