things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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