he shaved USA in his pubs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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