Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
