My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
