tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
