Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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