Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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