My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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