The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You ruined the universe
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
