My room smells like vodka and shame
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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