Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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