girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
