i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
