Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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