we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
