I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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