Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
