When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
