using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
