Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
