and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
