his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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