Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
