Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm too high and old for this...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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