Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
