Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
