just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
