p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
