I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
