Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
