if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
P.S. I can't hear my feet
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
