how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
