k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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