You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
