Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
