i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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