laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
