We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
