how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
