oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
