lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dicks are not precious.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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