Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
