So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
