I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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