My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
