had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
