Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
