Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
