my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
