Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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