rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
