rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This toilet bowl is my home.
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