just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
