Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
