gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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