We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
