Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We're too hungover to prance.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
