Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry about my life...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
