I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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