I just saw a hot homeless man
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
