just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
