My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
