Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
